For it is important to note, that when we forgive, we do it as much for ourselves as for the person who wronged us. As an example, in the divorce class that I teach at the college, the class is shown a statistic that shows that one third of the husbands and over fifty percent of the wives remain intensely angry at their ex spouses ten years after the divorce. It would certainly be heartening to know that anyone having a dissolution of their marriage this year would have found a means of mitigating that anger so that in 2023, they are no longer imbued with such vitriolic feelings.

Now, totally bewildered, he flew back to earth and came upon a man who was approaching another man’s home to do harm to him for something that this man did to him many years ago. With weapon in hand, he peered into the window and saw the man sitting on the floor surrounded by his wife and children as they were playing games. It became quickly evident this man was loved and cherished by his entire family and in spite of what he may have done, he was still a good and loving person. Outside, the man began to feel contrition and sorrow for the vindictive act that he was originally going to commit. He fell to his knees and asked G-d to forgive him for the senseless crime that he almost committed and a tear began to cascade down his cheek.

Just before it hit the ground, the angel caught it and flew back to heaven, presented it to G-d and told him he found the greatest thing in the world…forgiveness… where upon G-d agreed and readmitted the angel to heaven.

Walt Liebman, Ed.S.

In my private practice as a marriage, family, and child therapist, I often see patients who harbor ills done to them for what seemed like an eternity ago. Obviously, there may be some things that were done to us in the past that we consider so heinous, that we may never find it within ourselves to forgive. Fortunately, the aforementioned are usually few and the incidences that we still have not forgiven, once placed in the proper perspective, are issues that we still carry around with us, that could have been forgiven long ago. For it is important to note, that when we forgive, we do it as much for ourselves as for the person who wronged us. As an example, in the divorce class that I teach at the college, the class is shown a statistic that shows that one third of the husbands and over fifty percent of the wives remain intensely angry at their ex spouses ten years after the divorce. It would certainly be heartening to know that anyone having a disolution of their marriage this year would have found a means of mitigating that anger so that in 2023, they are no longer imbued with such vitriolic feelings.

Many years ago I heard an apocryphal story that I have never forgotten. There was an angel who offended G-d and was summarily banished from heaven until he could return with the most precious and meaningful thing in the world. So he flew down to earth, entered a hospital room and grasped the last breath of a dying man; a man who was revered and loved by all for his generosity and humanitarianism. With the last breath in his hand, he returned to heaven and showed it to G-d. He was told that while it was precious and meaningful, it was not the most precious and meaningful thing in the world. Disappointed, he flew back down to earth and flew into the hospital delivery room and captured the first breath of an innocent infant and once again presented it to G-d. Again he was told that it was still not the greatest thing in the world. Now, totally bewildered, he flew back to earth and came upon a man who was approaching another man’s home to do harm to him for something that this man did to him many years ago. With weapon in hand, he peered into the window and saw the man sitting on the floor surrounded by his wife and children as they were playing games. It became quickly evident this man was loved and cherished by his entire family and in spite of what he may have done, he was still a good and loving person. Outside, the man began to feel contrition and sorrow for the vindictive act that he was originally going to commit. He fell to his knees and asked G-d to forgive him for the senseless crime that he almost committed and a tear began to cascade down his cheek. Just before it hit the ground, the angel caught it and flew back to heaven, presented it to G-d and told him he found the greatest thing in the world…forgiveness… where upon G-d agreed and readmitted the angel to heaven.

Walt Liebman, Ed.S., is a marriage and family therapist in private practice in South Miami, President elect of the Miami Dade Association of Marriage and Family Therapists and an instructor at Miami Dade College and can be reached at waltliebman@famtherapy.com or by calling 305.665.4177.